Thinking Back...

So needless to say, I am terrible at keeping up with my blog posts. I can't say that I am going to get better, but what I can say is that looking back on this past year and how much has happened, I am in awe of where God has and is continuing to lead me.

On September 9th 2011, at the age of 21 I embarked on a journey to Ottawa that forever has changed my life. It was a turning point for me. It stretched me, molded me, wrecked me. But it also taught me that the vision I had for my life was so small compared to the one My heavenly Father had for me.

I left my small city not really expecting anything and yet expecting everything at the same time.  I knew God had called me to go do the internship, but I wasn't sure why. Maybe I still don't. All I know, is that during those three months I was able to dedicate my life solely to seeking my Father's face which set a deep fire in my soul that was and is unquenchable.

Don't get me wrong. It was the hardest thing to come back home. To leave a place that had become so familiar and so comfortable and coming back to the unknown. It felt like someone had taken my heart and was ripping it to shreds over and over again. I was confused, lonely and left wondering where God was taking me.

However, during those months of late night tears and anger, the fire that was fanned in Ottawa still continued to grow as I held fast to the promise that my God is faithful and He keeps His promises.

And He is so faithful! He placed me in a school where my heart for children was solidified. He has placed me in a family (as a nanny) of 7 kids where I constantly see His heart in their eyes. He surrounded me with family and friends that have spoken hope and life into me.

Yes, some days are still hard. I catch glimpses of what my heart longs for and it causes me to get restless for what's around the corner. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that even in the midst of the wilderness, where I don't know anything, He knows everything. As it says in Philippians 1:6 (NLT) "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns".

Take Me to A Place...

"Take me to a place where I have never been. A place unexplored and uncharted. The road less travelled. Take me on an adventure where you are the compass and I am the pioneer. So here am I. Send me".

Ever since I was a little girl Isaiah 6:1-8 has been some of my favourite verses in the bible:

It was in the year King Uzziah died^[a] that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. ² Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. ³ They were calling out to each other,

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies!
The whole earth is filled with his glory!”

⁴ Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke.

⁵ Then I said, “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.”

⁶ Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. ⁷ He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.”

⁸ Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”

I said, “Here I am. Send me.”

Here is this young man, seemingly unqualified and unworthy to do much of anything, but in turn who's heart has been transformed by the very power of the glory of Jesus. Even though we have so many excuses as to why we cannot go, we forget that we are not the ones who qualify ourselves. We are not the ones who do the work. We are only mere vessels who, through Jesus are made qualified. All we have to be is willing.

Summer Adventure

I am ready for a summertime adventure. Really, really, ready. *Sigh*...That is all.

Dreaming, Wondering, Planning...

Alright, so summer is almost here and I am going to try and make a goal of writing one blog post each week. We will see how well I do with that... ;)

Many things of been going on in my mind lately and I am loving the process of dreaming up what could happen over these next few months (and sometimes years). Even though I get frustrated at times because I want these dreams to become a reality, I can feel the Father's excitement for my life.

My heart has been growing bigger every day as I continue to work with my grade 4 students. Relationships are being built and they have stolen my heart away with their humour and sheer innocence for life. It has gotten me wondering about whether or not I should apply to become a child and youth care worker or even a child counsellor. But for now, I am taking this next year to work, pay off my student loans and continue to seek out what is next for me.

As for the summer, I have a close friend that has invited me to visit her in BC for a few weeks to "test out the waters" to see if I want to move there for the next year. What an adventure that would be! But we shall see what happens. In this season of life, it seems that plans are always changing. But I would love it!

But as for now, I am grasping how to be content and enjoy each moment as it comes.

Heartache...

Have you ever experienced a time in your life where you are so deeply passionate about something that your heart literally aches? I am not talking about the ache you feel when you lose a friend or something close to you. I am talking about that ache in your heart and spirit when you know without a shadow of a doubt this is who you are and what you want you are called to do but you don't know quite how it will turn out or what it looks like.  

This is where I am at. Sometimes, my heart aches so much that I feel like I want to cry. It's like I can see the goal at the end of race but I still have to train before I can even run the race to reach the prize at the end.

Often people ask me "what are you doing with the rest of your life"? And to be honest I don't know. Their response "Well, what are you passionate about?".  And I will say children.

I want to love children. I want to pour my heart out to the broken ones, the forgotten ones, the ones that have been abandoned and I want to show them the love of Jesus. To show them the hope and the destiny that He has called them too. And when I get just a small taste of this (like being an EA in a public school) it's like my heart wants to leap out of it chest and dance! But it also makes me long for the day where I can pour out God's heart to thousands of children.

But how do you fit that into a job description? A university degree? Someone once told me its like I know what I want to do, but the calling had been almost indescribable. But if God has placed these desires into my heart, I know He will show me how to live them out.

Trusting...

I will trust in You, believing the plans You have for me

they are bigger than I can imagine and even if I can’t see

the destiny You have called out for me

I will trust in You for You created my innermost being

You have designed me so intricately for such a time as this

You have placed passions and desires into my heart

and I dream about the plans You have thought out for me

I wait and pray knowing that in Your time

the seeds that You have placed in me will come to fruit

I sometimes get impatient, worried, that my dreams will die

that I will become passive and tired, and those dreams of a young girl

will fall away.

but yet I know that You have placed those dreams in me

these hopes, these desires, to see my generation changed

to speak life and hope into forgotten children and to see Your Kingdom come

I will choose to trust You and know that even though I can’t see it

I know the destiny You have called me to, the plans that you have designed for me

and the dreams that you have given placed in my heart are bigger and greater than I can
envision.

and I will wait and listen to Your voice, and draw closer to the heart of You, my Father

and know that Your dreams, Your plans, are greater than mine.

To be an adventurer...

So these are my thoughts at...12:09 at night when my mind is too busy to blissfully turn off and actually go to sleep. What better way to tire the mind then to blog?!

Recently, I have come across a quote that I absolutely love and adore. I don't know who its by or where it originated but it goes like this. "Oh darling, let's be adventurers". Doesn't that just sound pure and utterly romantic? But all romantic notions aside, what does it actually mean to be adventurous?

 One of my friends recently told me "Aaren, go have an adventure". And that got me thinking...everyone has their own definition of what adventure should be. Does that mean I have to jet set across the world? Or, pack my bags and move away to a foreign country? According to Websters adventurous means "to be disposed to seek adventure or to cope with the new and unknown". Well then doesn't that mean our entire life is an adventure? Yes, I know it sounds cliche, but really? Every single moment, every single breath of our daily life we are adventuring into the unknown. Whether we are trying to get through the maze of traffic on our way to work, or trying to figure out that mystery meat in our fridge, depending on how we look at life, we are always on an adventure.

Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing better than packing up your bags, jumping the car and setting off into the great unknown. My heart truly longs for the day where my student budget will allow me to do that or when my Heavenly Father says I can move on from this small city that I live in. But in the mean time I have to see even the mundane and mononteounous parts of my life as an adventure leading me down the road less traveled. Other wise, I think I might go a little stir crazy.

I never want to lose this sense of adventure and I have to remind myself everyday to keep it. To stretch myself out of my comfort zone and delve deep into the unknown.

So, I think instead I might tweak the quote a bit:

"darling, we are already adventurers! Let's adventure together. Show me what adventure means to you".

Good night :)

How He Loves...

I know that is this a very familiar and well known song. However, I don't think that we always fully grasp the profoundness of these lyrics.

When I first heard the version of this song on the documentary

"Nefarious: Merchant of Souls" I noticed that these children, these women and men who had been caught in the trap of human trafficking were the perfect example of the transformational love of Jesus.

Right then and there I was overcome with the realization of how much He really does love us. How much He loves the hurt, the broken and the lost.

How His heart aches over them. If I only felt even a little sliver of His heart that night, I can't imagine what it would be like to fully feel what Jesus feels.

Did you know that every 30 seconds a child is trafficked? That the average age of entry into commercial sex slavery in the United States is 13 years old?

That over 27 million people are enslaved around the world?  This is more than double the number of Africans enslaved during the Trans-Atlantic slave trade.

(http://nefariousdocumentary.com/learn-more/)

I was reminded on Sunday that this song for me is a promise. A promise of hope. Of restoration. Of destiny. And of a love so deep and so passionate that it reaches beyond all brokeness and transforms the very core of  our being.

I would encourage you to look into the issue of Human Trafficking and slavery. While it is a global issue, it also takes place right here in our own backyards. 

http://nefariousdocumentary.com/take-action/

http://exoduscry.com/abolition/

Waiting, waiting...and oh wait. More waiting.

So these past two months since I have been home have been a time of...you guessed it. Waiting. Let me tell you I am NOT a waiter. Sure, I can wait if I know the plan. If I know what I am waiting for. But I don't. I guess most people can relate to this , but I feel most people do a better job at waiting then I do.

I have applied for numerous jobs, with only 2 interviews and 0 callbacks. I find myself getting restless, irritated and frustrated. Everyone keeps telling me to "wait". Well, wait for what exactly? I am trying to find that happy medium of "actively waiting" which in all reality, I am still not to sure what that looks like. 

I know what has been put in my heart. I also know that my Heavenly Father knows everything about me as well. He knows my frustrations. He knows my emotions. He knows my desires and dreams and everything that I want to do. Because He has placed those in me.  But learning to wait, to trust and to rest has been a slow and not so steady process.

So here I am, waiting. Waiting for my next step and trying to learn how to wait and rest in my Father. 

The Vision - by Pete Greig

One of my friends showed me this website called http://www.24-7prayer.com/. As I was looking through all the videos, links and pictures I found their statement. Written by Peter Greig, this poem passionately describes the heart of a generation who choose Jesus.  

So this guy comes up to me and says:
“what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”
I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?

The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don’t need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive

Inside.

On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdo’s! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.

Guaranteed.