Heartache...

Have you ever experienced a time in your life where you are so deeply passionate about something that your heart literally aches? I am not talking about the ache you feel when you lose a friend or something close to you. I am talking about that ache in your heart and spirit when you know without a shadow of a doubt this is who you are and what you want you are called to do but you don't know quite how it will turn out or what it looks like.  

This is where I am at. Sometimes, my heart aches so much that I feel like I want to cry. It's like I can see the goal at the end of race but I still have to train before I can even run the race to reach the prize at the end.

Often people ask me "what are you doing with the rest of your life"? And to be honest I don't know. Their response "Well, what are you passionate about?".  And I will say children.

I want to love children. I want to pour my heart out to the broken ones, the forgotten ones, the ones that have been abandoned and I want to show them the love of Jesus. To show them the hope and the destiny that He has called them too. And when I get just a small taste of this (like being an EA in a public school) it's like my heart wants to leap out of it chest and dance! But it also makes me long for the day where I can pour out God's heart to thousands of children.

But how do you fit that into a job description? A university degree? Someone once told me its like I know what I want to do, but the calling had been almost indescribable. But if God has placed these desires into my heart, I know He will show me how to live them out.

Trusting...

I will trust in You, believing the plans You have for me

they are bigger than I can imagine and even if I can’t see

the destiny You have called out for me

I will trust in You for You created my innermost being

You have designed me so intricately for such a time as this

You have placed passions and desires into my heart

and I dream about the plans You have thought out for me

I wait and pray knowing that in Your time

the seeds that You have placed in me will come to fruit

I sometimes get impatient, worried, that my dreams will die

that I will become passive and tired, and those dreams of a young girl

will fall away.

but yet I know that You have placed those dreams in me

these hopes, these desires, to see my generation changed

to speak life and hope into forgotten children and to see Your Kingdom come

I will choose to trust You and know that even though I can’t see it

I know the destiny You have called me to, the plans that you have designed for me

and the dreams that you have given placed in my heart are bigger and greater than I can
envision.

and I will wait and listen to Your voice, and draw closer to the heart of You, my Father

and know that Your dreams, Your plans, are greater than mine.