So it has been over a year since I have written a post...it honestly feels like forever since I have written anything. Well, besides in my journal. Trust me. If those pages could talk. It's probably a good thing that they can't.
I decided to write another post mainly because my other enteries surprised me. I thought "did I really write that? Can my own blog reignite a flame in me that I thought was dieing out?". It may sound conceited, but re-reading some of my own entries brought peace back into my heart.
A lot has happened since I last blogged. I was hired as a kindergarten EA during the 2012/2013 school year and then was let go due to lack of enrollment for 2013/2014. Naturally, instead of trusting in my Father knowing that He has everything already provided for me, I panicked all summer as to where I was going to work in the fall. I searched for job after job, having interview after interview and ended up landing a placement at a daycare. For a month. Let's just say it was an interesting experience however, I tried to find an alternative job as soon as I could.
This lead me to a job posting for a preschool/kindergarten EA in the city which I was almost immediately hired for (to my great relief). This is where I have been for the past year. It has been a year of ups and downs, of wanting to let go but choosing to hold on by the tips of my fingers.
Over this past year I think I had resigned myself tucking away my dreams, placing them in a locked box and not wanting to acknowledge the fact that some days I want to give up hope completely. I wonder...am I just a romantic dreamer? Huge plans but nothing to ground them in? Are these really my passions or am I just following somebody elses dream? This has caused me to become cynical in some areas of my life and doubt the goodness of my Father. However, each time I thought that "this is it. This is the point where I go no further. I can't do it anymore", I would be at church and the preacher would always speak right to my heart. They would spark the flame of hope again and I could keep pressing on.
Yes, I am a crazy dreamer. Yes, I have big plans and big dreams but you know what I realized? My Father made my heart. If He made it, then He KNOWS me. Nothing can compare to the plans my Father has for me. To quote Jill Austen "your dreams are like a cup of water, but My dreams for you are like the vastness of an ocean". If my dreams are even a drop of what He has for me, what could the rest of it look like?
And wouldn't you know it? I am no longer employed...this time however, it was my own choice. The only difference is I feel incredible peace. Yes, its scary. Yes, it seems totally irrational and irresponsible. Yet, for some reason I feel hope. Like its okay to dream again.
I don't know what these next few months hold let alone this next year as I turn 24. But what I do know is that my Father is always faithful, He is always true and He is for me and not against me. Not one time has He forgotten me. If that is all I have to go on then that's enough.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Thinking Back...
So needless to say, I am terrible at keeping up with my blog posts. I can't say that I am going to get better, but what I can say is that looking back on this past year and how much has happened, I am in awe of where God has and is continuing to lead me.
On September 9th 2011, at the age of 21 I embarked on a journey to Ottawa that forever has changed my life. It was a turning point for me. It stretched me, molded me, wrecked me. But it also taught me that the vision I had for my life was so small compared to the one My heavenly Father had for me.
I left my small city not really expecting anything and yet expecting everything at the same time. I knew God had called me to go do the internship, but I wasn't sure why. Maybe I still don't. All I know, is that during those three months I was able to dedicate my life solely to seeking my Father's face which set a deep fire in my soul that was and is unquenchable.
Don't get me wrong. It was the hardest thing to come back home. To leave a place that had become so familiar and so comfortable and coming back to the unknown. It felt like someone had taken my heart and was ripping it to shreds over and over again. I was confused, lonely and left wondering where God was taking me.
However, during those months of late night tears and anger, the fire that was fanned in Ottawa still continued to grow as I held fast to the promise that my God is faithful and He keeps His promises.
And He is so faithful! He placed me in a school where my heart for children was solidified. He has placed me in a family (as a nanny) of 7 kids where I constantly see His heart in their eyes. He surrounded me with family and friends that have spoken hope and life into me.
Yes, some days are still hard. I catch glimpses of what my heart longs for and it causes me to get restless for what's around the corner. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that even in the midst of the wilderness, where I don't know anything, He knows everything. As it says in Philippians 1:6 (NLT) "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns".
On September 9th 2011, at the age of 21 I embarked on a journey to Ottawa that forever has changed my life. It was a turning point for me. It stretched me, molded me, wrecked me. But it also taught me that the vision I had for my life was so small compared to the one My heavenly Father had for me.
I left my small city not really expecting anything and yet expecting everything at the same time. I knew God had called me to go do the internship, but I wasn't sure why. Maybe I still don't. All I know, is that during those three months I was able to dedicate my life solely to seeking my Father's face which set a deep fire in my soul that was and is unquenchable.
Don't get me wrong. It was the hardest thing to come back home. To leave a place that had become so familiar and so comfortable and coming back to the unknown. It felt like someone had taken my heart and was ripping it to shreds over and over again. I was confused, lonely and left wondering where God was taking me.
However, during those months of late night tears and anger, the fire that was fanned in Ottawa still continued to grow as I held fast to the promise that my God is faithful and He keeps His promises.
And He is so faithful! He placed me in a school where my heart for children was solidified. He has placed me in a family (as a nanny) of 7 kids where I constantly see His heart in their eyes. He surrounded me with family and friends that have spoken hope and life into me.
Yes, some days are still hard. I catch glimpses of what my heart longs for and it causes me to get restless for what's around the corner. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that even in the midst of the wilderness, where I don't know anything, He knows everything. As it says in Philippians 1:6 (NLT) "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns".
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Take Me to A Place...
"Take me to a place where I have never been. A place unexplored and uncharted. The road less travelled. Take me on an adventure where you are the compass and I am the pioneer. So here am I. Send me".
Ever since I was a little girl Isaiah 6:1-8 has been some of my favourite verses in the bible:
It was in the year King Uzziah died[a] that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. 2 Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. 3 They were calling out to each other,
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies!
The whole earth is filled with his glory!”
The whole earth is filled with his glory!”
4 Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke.
5 Then I said, “It’s all over! I am doomed, for I am a sinful man. I have filthy lips, and I live among a people with filthy lips. Yet I have seen the King, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.”
6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me with a burning coal he had taken from the altar with a pair of tongs. 7 He touched my lips with it and said, “See, this coal has touched your lips. Now your guilt is removed, and your sins are forgiven.”
8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”
I said, “Here I am. Send me.”
Here is this young man, seemingly unqualified and unworthy to do much of anything, but in turn who's heart has been transformed by the very power of the glory of Jesus. Even though we have so many excuses as to why we cannot go, we forget that we are not the ones who qualify ourselves. We are not the ones who do the work. We are only mere vessels who, through Jesus are made qualified. All we have to be is willing.
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