So it has been over a year since I have written a post...it honestly feels like forever since I have written anything. Well, besides in my journal. Trust me. If those pages could talk. It's probably a good thing that they can't.
I decided to write another post mainly because my other enteries surprised me. I thought "did I really write that? Can my own blog reignite a flame in me that I thought was dieing out?". It may sound conceited, but re-reading some of my own entries brought peace back into my heart.
A lot has happened since I last blogged. I was hired as a kindergarten EA during the 2012/2013 school year and then was let go due to lack of enrollment for 2013/2014. Naturally, instead of trusting in my Father knowing that He has everything already provided for me, I panicked all summer as to where I was going to work in the fall. I searched for job after job, having interview after interview and ended up landing a placement at a daycare. For a month. Let's just say it was an interesting experience however, I tried to find an alternative job as soon as I could.
This lead me to a job posting for a preschool/kindergarten EA in the city which I was almost immediately hired for (to my great relief). This is where I have been for the past year. It has been a year of ups and downs, of wanting to let go but choosing to hold on by the tips of my fingers.
Over this past year I think I had resigned myself tucking away my dreams, placing them in a locked box and not wanting to acknowledge the fact that some days I want to give up hope completely. I wonder...am I just a romantic dreamer? Huge plans but nothing to ground them in? Are these really my passions or am I just following somebody elses dream? This has caused me to become cynical in some areas of my life and doubt the goodness of my Father. However, each time I thought that "this is it. This is the point where I go no further. I can't do it anymore", I would be at church and the preacher would always speak right to my heart. They would spark the flame of hope again and I could keep pressing on.
Yes, I am a crazy dreamer. Yes, I have big plans and big dreams but you know what I realized? My Father made my heart. If He made it, then He KNOWS me. Nothing can compare to the plans my Father has for me. To quote Jill Austen "your dreams are like a cup of water, but My dreams for you are like the vastness of an ocean". If my dreams are even a drop of what He has for me, what could the rest of it look like?
And wouldn't you know it? I am no longer employed...this time however, it was my own choice. The only difference is I feel incredible peace. Yes, its scary. Yes, it seems totally irrational and irresponsible. Yet, for some reason I feel hope. Like its okay to dream again.
I don't know what these next few months hold let alone this next year as I turn 24. But what I do know is that my Father is always faithful, He is always true and He is for me and not against me. Not one time has He forgotten me. If that is all I have to go on then that's enough.
